


Swear Not By the Moon

by Fallynleaf



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: rs_games, M/M, Marauders' Era, Nonlinear Narrative
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-12
Updated: 2012-12-12
Packaged: 2017-11-21 00:04:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/591187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fallynleaf/pseuds/Fallynleaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some things can’t be hidden in the light of a full moon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Swear Not By the Moon

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [The Remus/Sirius Games](http://rs-games.livejournal.com/) 2012, for [the Moon tarot card](http://i246.photobucket.com/albums/gg116/rsgames/rs_games%202012/05tarotmoon.jpg) prompt.
> 
> The title is from Act II, Scene II of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet.
> 
> JULIET:  
>  _O, swear not by the moon, the inconstant moon,_  
>  _That monthly changes in her circled orb,_  
>  _Lest that thy love prove likewise variable._  
> 

II.

As the sun balanced on the edge of the horizon and the full moon hid behind a shroud of clouds, Sirius followed Remus down the winding path to the Shrieking Shack. Wind grabbed at his robes and hair as he walked, his heart beating an uncertain rhythm of fear. This moon was different than the rest. Sirius didn’t entirely know why yet, but it was. He greeted most moons with some measure of anticipation and a building surge of adrenaline, but this one left him with only a pervading sense of anxiety.

“Remus, what’s wrong?” Sirius asked, reaching out a hand to grasp Remus’s shoulder in order to turn him around so that they could talk face-to-face. Remus shook off his hand, but whirled around to face him anyways.

“Sirius, I’m tired.”

“What?” Sirius surveyed him, but Remus looked no different than he did every moon. Pale and drawn with a spark of wildness in his eyes.

“I’m tired of bloody secrets!” Remus threw up his hands. If Sirius hadn’t already been worried, the curse word would have triggered some major alarms.

“Secrets? But Moony, I already know about your furry little-“

“Have I told you that I hid my magic?” Remus interrupted. “At first, I mean.” His voice quieted to hardly above a whisper. “Mum was a muggle and Dad never used magic around the house. One day I made the ball float when I was playing in the park with some other village kids. It was only for a couple seconds, but one of my friends saw me. The next day, none of them wanted to play with me. My friend stared at me like I was a freak. The others did, too. I think I learned how to be alone, then.”

“You’re not alone now, Moony,” Sirius said a little desperately.

“No?”

Sirius couldn’t tell if he meant it as a genuine question or not.

“I was out alone the night I got bit because I was trying to figure out what in the world was wrong with me. Afterwards, Dad explained everything and I learned that I hadn’t been a freak after all, but that I was now.” Remus took a shaky breath. “Ever since, it’s been secrets upon secrets upon secrets!”

From where he stood, Remus appeared to Sirius as if he were caught between two of Hogwarts’s towers, his face a shadow. “But you know what, Sirius?” Remus continued. “I’m done with secrets. I’ve had enough.”

I.

Sirius could see a sliver of the full moon in the window above Remus's head, the afternoon light caught in his hair. Remus frowned, in the manner that he did that was disapproving and a little guilty at the same time, and Sirius sat up, suddenly remembering that he was having a row with James at the moment.

"No girls," Sirius said. "Remember, we agreed that we wouldn't date anyone if it interfered with marauding! We all signed the contract in our own blood!"

"One," James started, flicking a spider off of his trousers, "that kind of blood agreement isn't even binding. Two, it won't 'interfere' with anything. And three, we were bloody _twelve_."

"It's a full moon tonight. Any other plans are interfering with marauding." Sirius crossed his arms.

"That didn't stop you from helping us pull off an end of the year exams prank last year. At night. On a full moon."

"That was before, well..." Sirius trailed off.

"Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs?" Peter supplied helpfully from his perch on the couch beside James.

"Yeah. It was before full moons were marauding."

"Don't bring me into this," Remus warned. "In case you all forgot, which is possible, because it seems to happen all the time, full moons aren't fun and games. Not for me, at least." He had a book spread open on his lap, but Sirius knew that he wasn't in any state to be reading.

For a moment, Sirius was distracted by the way Remus's hair partially covered the thin scars on his face. Sirius wondered what it would feel like if he brushed aside Remus's hair and traced those lines, feeling the mark left by teeth and claw and moonlight.

"This isn't about full moons," Sirius said, drawing his gaze away. "It's about James and _Lily_." He sneered at the name. "All he ever talks about now is 'I know how I can win her over, let's go try this spell' and then he says 'hey, Evans!' and gets his arse handed to him, and the next day it happens all over again!" Sirius got up and started to pace back and forth. "What about pranks? What about dangling Snivellus upside-down and showing his pants? We haven't even done that yet!"

"Sirius," Remus started, "I think you're just-" he stopped. _Jealous_ was the word left unspoken.

"Yeah, James said. “We need to find you a bird, mate. Got anyone you fancy?"

"That's not-" Remus closed his eyes as if overtaken by a sudden headache.

Sirius understood what he'd meant, and the thought made him angry. He turned toward James. "No! Can you name a bird who enjoys pranking Slytherins? Who we could show the map to? Who we could even explain our _nicknames_ to?" he paused to take a breath. "Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, Prongs," he whispered. "And everything that comes with that. A werewolf and three illegal animagi."

A brief silence fell upon them. The common room was empty, the rest of their house at supper. Peter nibbled at a treacle tart nicked still-warm from the kitchens.

"Padfoot, mate, since when did you worry about consequences?" James grabbed some of Peter's treacle tart and stuffed it in his mouth.

Sirius didn't answer. He was staring at Remus, who was staring at him in turn, his mouth open.

"Well, c'mon Pete, they'll be leaving the Great Hall soon. We need to confront Lily when she walks past that portrait of the lady on the boat," James said, his mouth still full.

"Beside the window that we rigged with spells?" Peter asked, comprehension dawning on him. Sirius could hear the stupid grin on his face that undoubtedly matched the one on James's. Peter shuffled out of the room excitedly in pursuit of James.

Sirius waited for Remus to speak, staring at his feet. But Remus said nothing, and Sirius grew impatient.

"I'm not jealous because James doesn't just want to spend time with us anymore!" Sirius snapped. "I'm just..."

"Jealous that he doesn't want to spend it with _you_?" Remus sighed, then continued before Sirius could voice a protest. "I don't want to deal with this now. I'll be in our room where it's quiet and I don't have to listen to prattling idiots."

Sirius let him go.

Not too long afterwards, James and Peter landed themselves in the hospital wing after Lily hit them with _anteoculatia_ hex that left them each with an impressive set of antlers well-worth someone whose nickname was "Prongs."

Then the sky had begun to darken, and Sirius realized that he would be the only one with Remus tonight.

IV.

Sirius stared at Remus’s broken body with a pounding heart. The moon was a faded spot of white in a fiery dawn. Fresh wounds graced Remus’s thighs and arms, and Sirius found his hand trembling as he tentatively touched the sensitive skin surrounding them.

Remus moaned. Sirius flinched.

“Hey, Moony,” Sirius whispered. There was no response. Of course there was no response. Sirius sat down heavily, trying to settle on his haunches and forgetting that he wasn’t a dog any more, that he’d transformed back and now everything was over. Sirius shivered, then glanced down at Remus, and realized that Remus wore even less clothing than he did and that Remus’s skin had felt bumpy with gooseflesh. Dew glistened there, collected during the night’s marauding.

Sirius looked around him, but found nothing he could use to protect Remus from the cold, so he just sat there, mute, and picked at a nearby unsuspecting plant.

The morning light was soft, almost golden, and it streaked through the trees with its own kind of warmth. Sirius grimaced, but his expression fell into a genuine smile as he gazed at Remus’s face and remembered their conversation that terrible night before.

“The forbidden forest isn’t that forbidding,” Sirius commented to an unconscious Remus. “Not in the early morning, at least.” And not compared to what he’d already faced.

Then it dawned on him. “Oh, Merlin! Madam Pomfrey.” Sirius scrambled to his feet. He scratched his head and paced back and forth. “The Shack. If she doesn’t find you in the Shack, what’ll Dumbledore do? Where are we, Remus? How far did we go? We need to get back.” His voice caught. “We need some map spells right now, Remus.”

Sirius frowned. “If only I could remember what direction we came from.” The forest around him waited, expectant. Something that sounded like a bird call rang out, suddenly, rippling through the trees lonely and mournful.

Sirius leapt to his feet. “The moon! It was over that stream! If I follow it, we should end up out of the forest and back at the grounds!”

“But how am I going to get you there before Madame Pomfrey comes?” Sirius fished his wand out, his fingers stiff in the cold. “I can’t just say _acccio broom_ and expect my Nimbus to crash through the walls of the dungeons where bloody Filch locked it in!”

“There is a spell… Madame Pomfrey uses it, I know! _You’d_ remember it, Moony.”

Sirius closed his eyes, briefly. Then he reached down and slid his arms underneath Remus, wincing whenever he thought he’d brushed a painful spot. “Next time, I’ll do this better,” he promised. After that, he decided to stop talking and focused on carrying Remus, huffing as he started walking alongside the stream.

Something snapped through the trees. Sirius froze.

Then a branch tore out of the underbrush, and Sirius stepped to partially dodge it, turning as he did so in order to prevent it from slamming into his face, or worse, into Remus’s. Years of taunting the Whomping Willow had given him the reflex.

Instead, the branch collided with his back, causing him to stumble and nearly trip into the stream. Sirius turned in alarm to confront his attacker, only to face a large, tattered stick that now lay unmoving on the ground. He stared at it for a moment before he realized what it was: It was an old broomstick. A few tufts of thin branches emerged from one end, tied with what appeared to be very old twine. Bits of moss were tangled in the cobwebs which hung from it like little grey flags and which spanned the width of a rather large crack that split the broom nearly in two.

It didn’t look sturdy enough to lean on, much less sturdy enough to carry the weight of two people. But it was all Sirius had, and he figured if it was deemed a broom by the summoning charm he’d accidentally cast, then it must be fit for flying.

It responded well enough to Sirius’s commands, and when he’d mounted it, he identified it as an Oakshaft 79, its once-beautiful handmade craftsmanship now the only thing keeping it from falling entirely to pieces.

But when he lifted Remus up, the broom groaned under their combined weight, and Sirius couldn’t bring it to move. He sat there dumbly for a moment, and then he remembered the spell.

“Merlin’s pants! It’s _Mobilicorpus_!” Sirius exclaimed. He cast it quickly, wrapped a protective arm around Remus’s now-levitating body, then urged his broom onwards.

Flying felt good, like breathing. The broom proved just sturdy enough for the weight of one person, and Remus’s body in his arms was warm. Sirius marveled at how a single person could withstand so much.

The remains of Remus’s clothes lay scattered at the edge of the forest. Sirius dipped down to swipe them up, running a finger over the ragged edges as he flew. Then he spotted a figure winding its way down from the castle, and his mouth went dry. Madam Pomfrey was coming to retrieve Remus. He maneuvered the broom lower, slipping out of her field of vision, and landed roughly beside the Whomping Willow.

Sirius leaped for the knot mid-transformation. He hit it soundly as a dog, then loped back through the branches and gently took Remus’s hand with his mouth, dragging Remus back with him and into the passage. Safe.

Sirius transformed back when they reached that old familiar room, the one that stank of blood and frenzy and pain. He strewed Remus’s clothing about the room as if it had naturally been tossed there by an enraged werewolf, then settled down beside Remus. There was space beneath the bed for him to hide when Madam Pomfrey approached, and Sirius didn’t want to chance getting noticed by her in the process of leaving.

It took a few uncertain seconds for Sirius to recall how to remove the _Mobilicorpus_ spell, but he did remember it, and then he settled down on the floor and wrapped his arms around his legs.

Remus looked so fragile after the moon, his skin almost translucent. Wounds and bruises stood out bright and ugly. At least there would be no more scars on his face from tonight, Sirius thought with relief. He touched Remus’s hair and pushed it aside, feeling the thin scar lines that covered Remus’s face like veins. Sirius swallowed as he did so, choking down emotions he did not wish to name.

Sirius gazed at Remus until Madam Pomfrey’s footsteps could be heard, and then he transformed and slipped beneath the bed to watch as she carried Remus away.

III.

Full moons were full of secrets, Sirius thought, as he stared at Remus who stood framed by towers and stars and rippling grass.

“What kind of secrets are you done with?” Sirius asked him.

“What kinds are there?”

“Well, for starters there’s the kind that you can tell and the kind that you can’t.” Sirius hoped Remus’s other secrets were the former. He had his own share of the latter, and those were like ghosts shackled in his head that only he could hear wailing.

“You were right, Sirius. You can’t just tell a girl that I’m a werewolf. But that’s _my_ problem, not yours.”

“Your problems _are_ my problems, Remus, I-“

“You what? Pity me?”

“No, I-“Sirius cut off. The words in his mouth had been _I love you_ , even if he hadn’t quite meant them in anything other than a platonic sense. “We’re mates. And more than that, we’re Marauders.”

“This isn’t a Marauders thing, Sirius. It’s not about pranks and illegal magic and cavorting about with a werewolf!” Remus sighed. He started walking again, setting a brusque pace towards the Whomping Willow. “I’ll tell you at the Shack. And afterwards you can leave and pretend you never met me, and maybe then the wolf will finally kill me.”

“Remus, what?”

Remus shook his head. It was almost as if a chasm had opened up between them and Sirius could only howl across it and receive echoes in response. But Sirius was insistent, and his pestering finally managed to invoke a response.

“Sirius, leave James alone about Lily. And leave her alone, too. She doesn’t deserve your ill-aimed ire. She’s actually really nice, and too good for James by far. She told me-“

“Wait, you talk to _Lily_?” Sirius felt another flash of jealousy. “Is that your secret? You’re in love with Lily too?”

Remus rolled his eyes. Sirius couldn’t see his face, but he recognized the sigh that accompanied the action. He relaxed.

“It happened sort of by accident. She figured out my _first_ secret, and then it didn’t take her long to figure out the other one. Lily… notices things. She’s nothing like James, who has the sensitivity of a brick.”

“Lily knows _all_ of your secrets?” Jealousy was bitter in Sirius’s mouth and in his words.

“No. Of course not. She just knows the two worst ones. But enough of this.” Remus stopped walking and Sirius almost collided with him. “You know how James wants you to find a girl?” Remus said slowly.

“Yeah, and I don’t want to.”

“Well, I don’t want to either.” Remus’s voice faltered and he looked away.

“That’s grea-“

“No. It’s not.”

They were near the edge of the forbidden forest, now. Remus’s shoulders were slumped and he looked worse than Sirius had ever seen him before a full moon. Remus took a deep breath, and the movement seemed to lift his entire body.

“Sirius, I don’t want to find a girl because I fancy _you_ ,” Remus said in a rush.

The night held still. Somewhere overhead, dusk descended over the grounds bloody and raw. Sirius made a noise of surprise in his throat. Remus wouldn’t look at him.

Sirius’s heart was racing. He thought of everything he’d done, everything _they’d_ done for Remus. He thought of pranks, and midnight trips to the kitchen under the invisibility cloak, the four of them huddled together so that only their feet would show. No one else would understand, no one _could_ understand. The only person he could fall in love with was a Marauder.

Somehow, even through it all, Remus looked beautiful in moonlight. The thought was sudden, and it staggered Sirius. But it rang true. Sirius wondered what Remus would taste like if he kissed him, what Remus would feel like, and he thought he might like to try. He was just about to say something along those lines when Remus began to run.

“Moony?” Sirius called after him, breaking into a run. “Moony, w-“

“I have to get to the Shack.” Remus’s voice sounded strangled. “I’m glad you let me be your friend, Sirius, and I’m sorry.”

“Remus, wait! I think- I think I might fancy you, too.”

Remus stopped. “Do you really mean that, or this just another prank?”

“Not a prank. I promi-“

“Padfoot, transform! Now!” Remus yelled.

Sirius opened his mouth in protest, but then he saw the fear on Remus’s pallid face, heard the strange, horrifying sounds that started up in Remus’s body as his bones and flesh began to rearrange themselves.

Sirius transformed.

The wolf emerged from Remus’s torn clothes and it shed the fabric behind it in a trail as it began to slink towards the castle. Sirius stepped in front of it and barred his teeth. He didn’t want to fight the wolf alone, but he couldn’t let it get to the castle at any cost. The wolf lunged for him. Sirius dodged it and began to run towards the forest, hoping that the wolf would follow in pursuit rather than dash off in search of human victims.

 _Prongs and Wormtail, thanks for skiving off_ tonight _of all nights _, Sirius thought as he ran.__

__His paws landed in water, and Sirius found himself running beside a stream, the moon’s reflection a silvery disk flickering in the water and following him as he ran. The wolf kept pace with him on the other side._ _

__Sirius found a clearing of sorts, and he stopped running there. Panting, he turned to face the wolf across the stream. For a long moment, their eyes locked._ _

__Then the wolf tipped back its head and released a howl that caused Sirius’s fur to stand on end. Sirius joined it with a howl of his own, letting the voiceless song twist through the trees of the Forbidden Forest and resonate within him._ _

__Afterwards, Sirius relaxed somewhat, the wolf no longer appearing poised to attack him. The wolf leapt across the stream and cleared it in an easy bound, and then it approached Sirius. Sirius watched it warily. The smell of wet fur and earth was rich in the air, and Sirius knew that if he’d have been a human, he would have found it dank and repellant._ _

__A cloud passed overhead, hiding all but the barest sliver of the moon, and in that light, Sirius and the wolf began to play.__

 _ _V.__

 _ _Sirius made his way to the hospital as soon as he could, not long after moonset. Madam Pomfrey ushered him in, knowing from experience that he couldn’t be kept out even if she barred the door. Once, he’d flown in the window by broom._ _

__Somewhere on the school grounds, someone would find an Oakshaft 79 in terrible condition. Or not, if the Whomping Willow had gotten it, as Sirius suspected. Maybe it had returned to the forest where it belonged, a toy for werewolves to fetch and unicorns to trample._ _

__“Hey, Padfoot, psst!” Someone said._ _

__Sirius glanced in the direction of the voice and found James sprawled out on a hospital bed with a box of chocolate frogs. His hair was still oddly shaped, but the potion Madam Pomfrey had given him to dissolve the antlers seemed to have mostly worked. James looked bored, but Sirius couldn’t feel any pity for him._ _

__“I’m not talking to you. You brought this on yourself, Prongs. Double Prongs. Couldn’t you just un-transfigure them?” Sirius said._ _

__“No,” James said morosely. “Tried that. Didn’t work. They just came back as soon as I transformed again.”_ _

__“Where’s Wormtail?” Sirius glanced around, but James’s bed was the only occupied one._ _

__“Lucky bastard got out of here a few hours ago. Turned into a rat after she gave him the potion and wriggled out of here right between Pomfrey’s feet. He’s probably in the kitchens nicking some kippers and porridge for breakfast.”_ _

__“He probably is,” Sirius agreed. Then he started walking towards the room in the back that Madam Pomfrey reserved for Remus on full moons._ _

__“Hey, Padfoot, don’t leave me alone in my misery!” James called._ _

__“Sorry. But I’m not going to leave Remus alone in his.” Sirius opened the door and entered the room, closing it behind him to shut out James’s voice._ _

__In the presence of a conscious Remus, Sirius felt suddenly nervous. Their conversation the night before hadn’t left his mind ever since. Nor had the feel of Remus’s body in his arms._ _

__Remus was sitting partially upright in the bed, a golden-edged tome open on his lap. He smiled weakly up at Sirius and closed the book with a gentle touch, setting it aside on the little table beside the bed._ _

__Sirius’s nerves dissolved suddenly. “Good morning, Moony! I brought you some flowers.” He said, taking out his wand. “ _Orchideous_!”_ _

__Sirius plucked the bouquet that emerged from the tip of his wand and stuck it in the empty vase on Remus’s table. Remus rolled his eyes at the gesture, but the genuine smile on his face did not disappear. He patted the side of his bed, and Sirius took a seat there._ _

__“Was it a bad night, Padfoot?” Remus asked._ _

__“How much do you remember?”_ _

__“Bits and pieces. I didn’t transform in the Shack, I know.”_ _

__Sirius glanced at Remus’s hand, which lay beside him on top of the blanket. Sirius reached for it timidly, and Remus completed the gesture by grabbing ahold of his hand and squeezing it tight. “It wasn’t that bad of a night,” Sirius said._ _

__“You carried me back.”_ _

__“I had some help from a friend.”_ _

__Remus sat up. “Who else knows?” he asked, his eyes wide._ _

__“An Oakshaft 79. Don’t worry; I don’t think it’ll rat on you.”_ _

__Sirius moved his thumb over the back of Remus’s hand, feeling the scar lines written there. “Remus…” he started._ _

__“Yes?”_ _

__“Can I kiss you?” Then he added in a rush, “If you’re feeling alright, that is. You don’t have to if you don’t want to-“He cut off abruptly when Remus shifted in the bed to sit closer to him._ _

__“Yes.” Remus reached up and touched Sirius’s face, his fingers light and warm. His hand settled against Sirius’s cheek._ _

__Before Sirius could lean in to kiss him, Remus cleared the gap between them and their lips met in a mess of teeth and muttered apologies._ _

__“Y’know,” Sirius said after they’d parted. “Things aren’t really all that different. Between us, I mean.”_ _

__“Besides the good parts?” Remus said, amused._ _

__“Well, yeah.” Sirius kissed him again, because he could do that now. “I don’t know how James could fancy someone he doesn’t even know.”_ _

__“It’s easier that way, I think.” Remus said. “There’re no secrets between them. Not yet, at least.”_ _

__“Remus, can you promise me something?” Sirius asked, sitting back. He held Remus’s gaze carefully. “Tell me your secrets, please. Maybe not the little ones, but the rest of them…”_ _

__“I will, Sirius.” Remus squeezed his hand again. “I’ll sign the contract in blood if you’d like. Merlin knows I have plenty of _that_ to spare. I’ll even tell you who stole and wrecked your first Nimbus.”_ _

__“You!” Sirius growled._ _

__“Or is that a _little_ secret and therefore exempt?” Remus lifted a finger to his chin in thought. Sirius tackled him (gently), then sprawled on the bed beside him and felt the lack of a night’s sleep catch up to him all at once._ _

__Sirius dreamed of a full moon that filled the sky and lit up the night brighter than day, illuminating shadows and secrets and washing away Remus’s disease like little waves in a stream._ _

__Six years later, after promises have been hardened and forgotten in war, Sirius will suspect Remus of keeping secrets that he doesn’t have, and there will be twelve years of full moons that will cast only darkness in their wake._ _


End file.
